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| Source: http://cms.polimoli.com/images/1536/2014/04/11/t1-horz.jpg |
Screenwriters: Josh Appelbaum, André Nemec, Evan Daugherty
Stars: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fichtner
Trailer link
IMDb page
But first a bit of soul cleansing:
Yes, I, the person who named a three hour long french movie about two lesbians the best movie of 2013, went to the theater to watch a ninja turtles movie. I know, I almost can not believe it myself either. As far as excuses go, I have a pretty solid one: two of my less cinelitterate buddies wanted to go out for a burger and a movie, and this was the only one they wanted to see. It was two against one, so the choice was either Michael Bay and Megan Fox or nothing. They had me in a corner with my back against the wall. I simply could not help it, and I solemnly vov to watch at least five black/white movies per week for the next three months so that I may atone for my sins and continue down the path of the true film buff.
Oh Michael Bay, how we've missed you:
The latest big screen adaptation of every 1990's kid's favourite team of ninjas is produced by Michael Bay, and it shows from the very beginning. Anyone familiar with his Transformers series will not be surprised to hear that this film has about as much story to tell as a 30 second shampoo commercial, and contains characters that are about as deep and interesting as the dirt under your fingernails. Megan Fox plays April O'Neal, the main human character in the ninja turtles universe, who in the animated series served as the main connection between fact and fiction and who allowed the turtles to feel relatable and somewhat believable. In this film however, she is more of a liability than anything else. After her character has served its purpose and the turtles and the main "conflict" has been set up, she is demoted to her typical "damsel in distress"-type of character who cries and screams all the time, has 2-3 lines of dialogue every 30 minutes, and who only exists so that the heroes have someone to rescue during the nauseating actions sequences. Hooray for Michael Bay!
Indecisive about its target audience:
Yes, any film featuring 8 feet tall turtles who fight with katanas, live in the severs and eat pizza all day long is gonna feel unrealistic to anyone but children, and I realize that I might not be young enough to be of the target demographic anymore. This particular ninja turtles movie is rated PG-13 and is supposed to be a film for kids and young teenagers, but there is absolutely no way that I would let my thirteen-year-old watch it if I was a parent, because of how creepy and gratuitous it is at times, especially when it comes to Will Arnett's character. Going all out with the unrealistic stuff is completely fine as long as you stick to that recipe and always keep in mind that what you are making is a kid's movie, but this film does not do that. No movie with a title as ridiculous as this one should have the power to offend or outrage people, but based on its roots and its childish nature, some of the heavily suggestive dialogue and "revealing" shots in this film are just completely misjudged in my opinion.
See no evil:
I personally think the TNMT universe fits quite well into the superhero genre, and the one thing that a superhero movie needs even more than a strong and believable protagonist(s), is a worthy and rememberable villain. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles does not have that, not by any stretch of the imagination. Shredder, one of the best and most menacing villains ever created in any cartoon, comic book, television series or movie, is a complete joke in this film, and basically serves as a glorified henchman whom you could not care less about. As someone who loved the animated series when he was a kid and experienced how brutal and frightening the Shredder character can be, this was the single biggest letdown of the entire film. William Fichtner plays the other main villain in this film, and even though he does a very good job based on the material he is given, his character falls so heavily into the "evil corporate hotshot who appears goodhearted on the outside"-cliché that I lost any and all respect for him within minutes. Based on its lack of prominent antagonists, you never get the feeling that anything is actually at stake while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which in my opinion is its single biggest downfall.
Credit where credit is due:
This review has been an absolute hammering so far, but before we cap it off, there are a few slightly positive things that I have to mention. The actual ninja turtles are in fact somewhat well characterized in my opinion and serve as the only source of laughter in the film, but by the time you start caring for them just a little bit, it is far too late to matter. The elevator scene near the end of the movie is the only sequence that reminded me of the entertaining nature and likable personalities of the masked tortoises who I know and love from the television series, but for a 101 minute movie, one 20 second sequence obviously does not cut it. The CGI-work which went into the film is another thing that deserves to be mentioned, and even though it sort of feels wasted on the chaotic and way too shaky action sequences that we have come to expect from Michael Bay movies, I do realize that a lot of very talented graphics people must have worked on this project for months. They are the real heroes of this otherwise extremely subpar movie, but in the end, not even their contribution manages to salvage much of anything. I like the universe, the characters and the idea of adapting the animated series into a movie, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is everything but "shellshocking".
See no evil:
I personally think the TNMT universe fits quite well into the superhero genre, and the one thing that a superhero movie needs even more than a strong and believable protagonist(s), is a worthy and rememberable villain. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles does not have that, not by any stretch of the imagination. Shredder, one of the best and most menacing villains ever created in any cartoon, comic book, television series or movie, is a complete joke in this film, and basically serves as a glorified henchman whom you could not care less about. As someone who loved the animated series when he was a kid and experienced how brutal and frightening the Shredder character can be, this was the single biggest letdown of the entire film. William Fichtner plays the other main villain in this film, and even though he does a very good job based on the material he is given, his character falls so heavily into the "evil corporate hotshot who appears goodhearted on the outside"-cliché that I lost any and all respect for him within minutes. Based on its lack of prominent antagonists, you never get the feeling that anything is actually at stake while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which in my opinion is its single biggest downfall.
Credit where credit is due:
This review has been an absolute hammering so far, but before we cap it off, there are a few slightly positive things that I have to mention. The actual ninja turtles are in fact somewhat well characterized in my opinion and serve as the only source of laughter in the film, but by the time you start caring for them just a little bit, it is far too late to matter. The elevator scene near the end of the movie is the only sequence that reminded me of the entertaining nature and likable personalities of the masked tortoises who I know and love from the television series, but for a 101 minute movie, one 20 second sequence obviously does not cut it. The CGI-work which went into the film is another thing that deserves to be mentioned, and even though it sort of feels wasted on the chaotic and way too shaky action sequences that we have come to expect from Michael Bay movies, I do realize that a lot of very talented graphics people must have worked on this project for months. They are the real heroes of this otherwise extremely subpar movie, but in the end, not even their contribution manages to salvage much of anything. I like the universe, the characters and the idea of adapting the animated series into a movie, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is everything but "shellshocking".
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